My new best friend

So apparently a twitching 26-year old with an enlarged thyroid is nothing to worry about. I got about 5 mins talking time with the doctor and a prescription for beta blockers I can renew three more times. Drugs!
So obviously right now I don't even need the drugs, as my biggest problem are my threatening-to-cramp, ice-cold-despite-three-pairs-of-socks feet, but lo! behold my new best friend:


I call it Ernie. It's a horrible name, I know, but I just looked at it and thought: Ernie! so. Ernie it is.
(note, also, the multiple evidence of studying in the background which is in fact a true representation of how I spent the last 5 hours or so)

Something about a creek and shit and a paddle

So. Euthyrox takes 6 weeks to reach peak efficiency. It's half-life is 6-10 days. Which means it cannot be the reason I am currently shaking and even having some foot cramps. Trying not to panic: failing. Ironically, panicking has always made this kind of symptoms worse so now I'm shaking on upper body half as well.

Trying to reason myself out of this. This happened last time I was on synthroid, and eventually it went away. I was perfectly non-tremoring those months until I started taking Euthyrox again.

Another explanation is that I have somehow at the same time as taking the Euthyrox developed a tremor condition. Most of these are chronic and untreatable. I don't really believe in coincidences, and tremors and muscle problems are associated mostly with hyperthyroidism but also with your thyroid dying, which is when you can exhibit symptoms from both the hyper and the hypo subset of symptoms. I'm certainly not losing any weight at the moment (so not hyper) but I could still exhibit another hyper symptom.

A third explanation is that there is a God, and he is vengeful. I've had some thoughts recently about people with chronic illnesses and how they are usually happier, because of a host of reasons involving psychology and absence of pain and other things I don't know much about and won't get into. I never said I wanted a chronic illness, but perhaps the vengeful God can read minds and somewhere read a stupid, ill-conceived notion that this would be a great way to stop being unhappy and has now decided to punish me for such thoughts. Or these wishes are stronger than I thought and I am being rewarded? In any case. I do not wish for a chronic illness. I want to be healthy and unhappy. Please?

Well. Hypothroidism is a chronic illness. Let's hope it's just my thyroid dying. Hoping hoping.

Tremulous times

I'm so tired of this fucking shit. I was feeling decidedly normal for a few days, but fat, so yesterday I went for a run and felt fine for like, 6 hours, and now I'm a trembling, muscle-jumping... thing. Gonna beg a doctor for some more beta-blockers tomorrow, I've run out. I'm still fairly sure it's just the lingering effect of the Euthyrox but just the idea that this could be something cronic is enough to freak me out. Also, the constant trembling is freaky just on its own.

Along with diss topic stress and feeling very very fat, these are not good days.

The only good thing is that I possibly won't be able to drink tomorrow (alcohol these days always make me a bit shaky even when I'm not shaking all the time, so I can only imagine what the knock-on effect will be). Big corridor party with all the classmates, including the Chinese gang. They're a lovely bunch of girls, but they stay sober and love to take pictures. This is not a good combination with my party persona and behaviour of late.

Duh.

So. I've been freaking out, because it's been ages since I stopped with the euthyrox and I'm still having mild tremors and spasms in my legs. Then I started counting and realized it's actually only been 35 days, and the half-life is 6 weeks. Then I realized what the word half-life implies: half. Half the euthyrox is gone after 6 weeks, so it's not completely gone until after 12. DUH.

Consequently, am probably not coming down with Parkinson's. Now: why doesn't this country have diet tonic? I need me some low carb kinine to calm down my annoying muscles. Fact: kinine is the only help for restless-legs syndrome, which is basically what I temporarily have.

Otherwise, extremely busy and procrastinating. Thesis topics, statistics, seminars, I still love being back at uni but holy cow there's a lot to do and angst about. Also having many lofty thoughts about future. Melbourne is looking good at the moment. Completely ignoring the fact that before any eventual relocation to down under I need to write this thesis.

Bla bla health

In other news, I came as close as I ever have to fainting this weekend. Or dying. Or feeling like I was going to die, anyway. Hypotension is a neat little word for sudden drop of blood pressure. I got up with a stomach ache, and then when I got downstairs I was suddenly blinded by flashing lights, started hyperventilating, and was deafened by roaring weird tech noises and unable to stand, thus falling and over-turning furniture. By some stroke of luck (I suppose) I was at mum and dad's, so they picked me up and helped me call a nurse. Who reassured me I probably had a blood pressure drop. Anyway, freaky as hell, but the only repercussions was dizzyness and scraped knees. In any case, it got me thinking, and lo behold! Epiphany.

I think my dizzy spells and accompanying nausea I get occasionally are probably due to me having low blood pressure. Thinking about it I remember I did an experiment for biology in high school where I measured my blood pressure, and it was very very low (despite me being very very unfit). Also associated with hypothyroidism and anemia, both of which I have/have had to some degree.

Note to self: If you can't tolerate a red wine, mixing it with coke may make it palatable but it will still fuck up your stomach. Duh. *headdesk* (on virtual, non-existent desk)

In other thyroid related news, I decided to give up on Euthyrox after 5 weeks. It was making my feet and calves cramp again, and as I am not yet sick, but only fat, I decided it wasn't worth it. Anyway, when my TSH was at 1 last Spring and I felt like shit I still didn't loose any weight. I prefer to be un-crampy and able to go to the gym.

I really understand now the common strategy and initial reaction of my doctor: to postpone medication as long as possible. I plan to live an anti-goiterous life and scoff coconut oil until I actually start getting ill. Trying to put depressing thoughts such as 'the side-effects will always be this shitty, but one day I'll be sick enough to accept them so as to avoid much worse things and eventual death'.
Yeah. Repress repress repress

Testing testing - fluoride free toothpaste

Because fluoride is a poison, especially for turtles. I was a bit wary about trying actually, but I picked the one that has two different kind of mints in addition to other good stuff (Weleda Ratanhia toothpaste)

Evaluation:
+taste, during brushing and after: very refreshing. Don't feel the need to drink water immediately after like I always do (but try not to, as dentist tell you off for that)
-look, both on the brush and in the sink after - huja!
-large increase in spatter
+/-obviously foams less, which makes it more difficult to brush but somehow feels good also, don't ask me how...

London Day 2

So far so good. Well, despite spending Saturday evening alone in the flat and, actually, unable to operate the Digibox, having a good time so far (after all, there's BBC iPlayer). Went for Korean in Soho last night with some members of the ECU-crew plus lovely gfriends, so nice and such awesome food (place called Nara). Today I bonded with Peppi and hit the shops a bit in town before exploring the local area. I was doing my usual 'do I love London, do I hate London, do I want to move here, do I want to stay in Sweden' mental rant until I realized the fairly obvious: until I stop hating myself I'm never going to be happy anywhere. So there! (not that this actually solves the problem of where I'm going next, but at least I know it won't matter so much where the physical location is - I'm fucked either way).

Philosophical ramblings aside, I've also been cured of my Starbucks addiction. Since my presumable fucked-up thyroid induced stomach acid problems I just cannot drink coffee, and Starbucks decaf tastes like... milk maybe? Certainly not coffee. Trying to remember what the place is at CPH whose decaf I actually like, I'm sure it's a chain, pretty sure it's Costa Coffee. Will try that next time.
But why why why do they not have water mixers in the sinks? Would you like ice cold or scolding when you remove your make-up? Gaah! Also, I want a Jack Russell. Or at least a tiny dog. So neat! Like babies, except they never talk back, can be alone for several hours and making them happy is fairly easy. And what's with all the tiny teenagers blocking central London? A few of them had EF handlers but I'm sure many of them where just drifting along being obnoxious without supervision. Still, awesome people watching can be had here.

Dear Thyroid

Please just die already. Am not enjoying my stints of - brace yourselves - Hashimoto's toxicosis. Mind you, before I figured out what it was I was panicking over my legs doing that twitchy spasmy restless thing again last week. But then I added it up to my rapid heartbeat and palpitations during same time period and voila!
Annoying but harmless stint of hyperthyreosis as my thyroid is in death throes.

The interesting/sad/pathetic part is actually that I have now found a reference that confirms that I could take some beta blockers to relieve the symptoms. I have beta blockers in my possession. However, on the odd chance that I get supermetabolism along with the other symptoms, I'm not actually sure if I want to take them... I've got holiday flab to loose! What's a few palpitations and tremors?
(these episodes could however go on for years before my thyroid dies, so I might revise this opinion)

Excuse me while I turn the fan on, elbows are sticking to the table.

The heat was marvellous over the weekend. I managed something so odd as a weekend that seemed to stretch on forever, however in a good way. Spent awesome day in Malmö with J on Saturday. On my way home I managed to greet our neighbours' house swap guests at the train, guide them in German, and came home only to arrive to another relative get-together. Sunday also seemed to incorporate several days. I managed to get proper sleep, squeeze in a few hours of work, go for a run, bbq, and introduce my parents to cream soda in a random 4th of July-inspired moment (we shared one 33cl can, sis, don't worry. They also sold vanilla and cherry coke and root beer at ICA in a special Americana display. Hmm). I also made some cut-offs.

It was fabulous. Now, will try to not disintegrate into sweat molecules or fall asleep and get some work done. Had the worst night's sleep in months last night due to heat and palpitations and all right. I may try some beta blockers just before bed, actually.

Ehm. Not really interesting for anyone not undergoing thyroid replacement therapy

Right, so, this is just to collect my thoughts and will be completely uninteresting for anyone but me (yes, I'm at work, but I can't focus on work beause my legs are spasming again making me panic about coming down with a spot of fibromyalgia/rheumatism/ALS)

Fact: a lot of people feel like crap when they start T4 hormone replacement therapy
(Me: muscle weakness, muscle spasms, joint pain, general feeling of being 'crummy', anxiety. Other common ones I've been spared: short term memory problems and migraine)

Supposed fact: you can't be allergic to Levothyroxine because it is an exact replica of the body's own hormone.
This is the cause of extremely heated debates bordering on hazing on hypothyroid forums: those that insist they feel bad because the hormone they are getting is synthetic and that the solution is natural thyroid hormone (ie Armour) vs those that claim that this is insane, they just need a higher dose.

Possible solution/exlanation:

Both could be right - Levothyroxine only supplies T4, which the body is supposed to turn into T3. However, not everyone's bodies have the same ability to turn T4 into T3 for various reasons, so in some people they get too much T4 and not enough T3. Since Armour includes actual T3, this can correct this problem. So, they are not really getting better because the drug is natural as opposed to synthetic, but rather as a side-effect of the drug being natural they get an extra hormone. In theory, this should mean that combined T3/T4 hormone replacement therapy could work just as well.

Caveat: natural thyroid hormone from pigs already has the right balance between T3 and T4, whereas getting that balance correct by supplying T3 and T4 seperately can be trickier, especially since T3 has a much shorter half-life. In addition, Armour also includes other hormones involved in thyroid function, and if you have an issue with producing any of these, Armour would help whereas T3/T4 combination wouldn't help.

Not helping discussion: argument about the fact that Armour is less standardized than synthroid drugs because levels of T3/T4 will vary (like the sweetness of strawberries depending on season). I have seen arguments both supporting and opposing this theory, I'm not convinced either way.

So, this part I get. The next possible explanation for feeling crummy when you start levothyroxine treatment, even if you maybe had no obvious symptoms before starting treatment, is apparently something called adrenal fatigue. Even subclinical adrenal fatigue, apparently to do with cortisone levels and extremely hard to measure, can cause worsening of hypothyroid symptoms when you first start medicating.
As far as I understand it, the symptoms will either get worse as you increase T4 levels to compensate for sudden, increased hypothyroid symptoms (despite normal TSH levels) until you feel like crap or sometimes, die, OR at some magical level the adrenal insufficiany will manage to correct itself using some substrate from the T4 and eventually if you keep elevating the dose you will be fine. Although first you will feel like crap for a really long time.

Yeah, that last one needs some more extensive research.

Fight for your right to non-synthroid drugs

So. Haven't written much lately, mostly because most of the time I feel like shit. It feels like someone replaced my body with that of a 70-year old sometime in the last few months. I had to go to the doctor this week because I had muscle cramps, everywhere. Yesterday I took a walk with the dog which was painful, resulted in more cramps and aches and well, I've always had sympathy for those with rheumatism but let's say it's renewed.

Not to mention how anxious I've been, do I have ALS? Rheumatism? Fibromyalgia? Ulcer? My stomach hurts or is distressed on a low level since several months now. I wake up and can barely walk because my hip bones ache. Feet spasm all the time.
Going to a doctor makes you feel stupid (or, in this case, called a lazy lard-ass in not quite those words). All doctors say is that no one ever had any side effects from synthroid levothyroxine drugs, which is quite funny really, since there are several forums and campaigns where many many people complain of everything from muscle aches to anxiety to IBS. Apparently there is a simple solution in the form of natural levothyroxine from pigs, which is only available in Sweden if you find a doctor willing to fight your case in a tangled web of global pharmaceutical rules.

Anyway, I'm gonna stop taking it for now. I only started because it was going to help me loose weight and I've lost nada, despite now practically eating Atkins. Let's see what comes first, a paradigm shift in the attitude toward natural vs synthroid drugs (highly unlikely), an Armour license for Sweden (not eligible to guess on this one) or a competent doctor who is not an ass and willing to battle paperwork for my health (not impossible I guess, but I don't see it anytime soon).
I had a great doctor - apparently she decided to have a baby.
Bloody democracy with year-long maternity leaves.

End of an era

So. Apparently Sidney Sheldon was... a man? Did you know this? I never had a clue. I just assumed it was woman. This realisation has really shaken me up. It's like someone hit 'tilt left' or something.

OK no, maybe not, but I was very surprised!

So, update: apparently I can eat broccoli, cabbage, brassica family plants all I want as long as they are cooked. Phew! However... All kinds of tea have huge amounts of fluoride in them. Red, black, green, not much difference (slightly less in green, which I only make myself drink because it's supposed to be healthy anyway). I've already binned all my fluoride chewing gum and pills.

Some would say I could just up my levothyroxine levels to make up for the fact that I'm suppressing my thyroid with fluoride all day long, but instinctively that feels... wrong. I know tea is supposed to be good for you, flavonoids and antioxidants and what have you, but they also make your teeth very yellow and I'm thinking that my incessant tea-drinking might be a substitute for my desire to eat, and thus maybe I should try to veen myself off of it.

Incidentally, tea also inhibits the body's ability to take up iron, so if I now have to space out tea-drinking so as to not interfere with either medicine it actually gets a tad complicated. In addition, iron is one of the very very few things that interferes with levothyroxine. So I can't drink tea before or after levothyroxine or iron, and I can't take levothyroxine with my iron. Seriously, they recommend six hours in between the medicines, and at least two between tea and either medicine.
I suppose I could make a schedule and figure out when I can drink tea, but as I'm not supposed to take my iron if I've eaten lots of dairy for my meal I never know when I'm going to take it...
Complicated!!

Oh, speaking of that. When I went to the pharmacy to pick up my levothyroxine she had to ask me which of my medications it was I wanted to take out. That felt very odd.

Health is relative

So. Ironically enough I was going to write about how amazing it is that it's Thursday and I'm still at work, healthy (the last two weeks I had a bad cold and stomach flu respectively).

HOWEVER.

Having finally decided to take the flu-shot because I've been sick so much, I consulted my sister whether or not I was in a risk group and could be bumped up the queu. She then alerted me to the fact that I shouldn't take the shot at all, as there's a possibility that taking vaccines when you have Hashimoto's causes multiple sclerosis. The risk of that is pretty small, granted. I researched it and OMG there is so much research. Apparently you are also not supposed to drink tea when you have Hashimoto's because of the high fluoride content. Seriously? I've been taking fluoride supplements religiously since I was a teen because of my bad teeth. I may very well have triggered my hypothyroidism with all these supplements for all I know.

Also, I love tea!! I always have at least seven different kinds in my desk drawer, and at home. A life without tea?? This is a horror that seems almost unimaginable. Granted, maybe still one step up from getting multiple sclerosis... I've taken the flu shot three years running!! Never again until they can prove it's safe.

I should probably stop researching and start working before I drive myself completely manic.

I've just been oblivious to the fact that having a genetic auto-immune desease might mean more for me than having to remember taking a pill every day for the rest of my life.

I'm just really glad I decided to test for the disease at all at my sister's insistance. Some people don't find out until they're past their 50's. Although I guess I'm not sure which is better: spend your life avoiding lots of things because of a thus-far fairly benign disease or finding out when you're 50 that there were a ton of things you could have done to improve your chances for continued general health?

Also, apparently I shouldn't eat cabbage, broccoli or soy products.
Seriously, WTF.