My new best friend

So apparently a twitching 26-year old with an enlarged thyroid is nothing to worry about. I got about 5 mins talking time with the doctor and a prescription for beta blockers I can renew three more times. Drugs!
So obviously right now I don't even need the drugs, as my biggest problem are my threatening-to-cramp, ice-cold-despite-three-pairs-of-socks feet, but lo! behold my new best friend:


I call it Ernie. It's a horrible name, I know, but I just looked at it and thought: Ernie! so. Ernie it is.
(note, also, the multiple evidence of studying in the background which is in fact a true representation of how I spent the last 5 hours or so)

Something about a creek and shit and a paddle

So. Euthyrox takes 6 weeks to reach peak efficiency. It's half-life is 6-10 days. Which means it cannot be the reason I am currently shaking and even having some foot cramps. Trying not to panic: failing. Ironically, panicking has always made this kind of symptoms worse so now I'm shaking on upper body half as well.

Trying to reason myself out of this. This happened last time I was on synthroid, and eventually it went away. I was perfectly non-tremoring those months until I started taking Euthyrox again.

Another explanation is that I have somehow at the same time as taking the Euthyrox developed a tremor condition. Most of these are chronic and untreatable. I don't really believe in coincidences, and tremors and muscle problems are associated mostly with hyperthyroidism but also with your thyroid dying, which is when you can exhibit symptoms from both the hyper and the hypo subset of symptoms. I'm certainly not losing any weight at the moment (so not hyper) but I could still exhibit another hyper symptom.

A third explanation is that there is a God, and he is vengeful. I've had some thoughts recently about people with chronic illnesses and how they are usually happier, because of a host of reasons involving psychology and absence of pain and other things I don't know much about and won't get into. I never said I wanted a chronic illness, but perhaps the vengeful God can read minds and somewhere read a stupid, ill-conceived notion that this would be a great way to stop being unhappy and has now decided to punish me for such thoughts. Or these wishes are stronger than I thought and I am being rewarded? In any case. I do not wish for a chronic illness. I want to be healthy and unhappy. Please?

Well. Hypothroidism is a chronic illness. Let's hope it's just my thyroid dying. Hoping hoping.

Duh.

So. I've been freaking out, because it's been ages since I stopped with the euthyrox and I'm still having mild tremors and spasms in my legs. Then I started counting and realized it's actually only been 35 days, and the half-life is 6 weeks. Then I realized what the word half-life implies: half. Half the euthyrox is gone after 6 weeks, so it's not completely gone until after 12. DUH.

Consequently, am probably not coming down with Parkinson's. Now: why doesn't this country have diet tonic? I need me some low carb kinine to calm down my annoying muscles. Fact: kinine is the only help for restless-legs syndrome, which is basically what I temporarily have.

Otherwise, extremely busy and procrastinating. Thesis topics, statistics, seminars, I still love being back at uni but holy cow there's a lot to do and angst about. Also having many lofty thoughts about future. Melbourne is looking good at the moment. Completely ignoring the fact that before any eventual relocation to down under I need to write this thesis.

Bla bla health

In other news, I came as close as I ever have to fainting this weekend. Or dying. Or feeling like I was going to die, anyway. Hypotension is a neat little word for sudden drop of blood pressure. I got up with a stomach ache, and then when I got downstairs I was suddenly blinded by flashing lights, started hyperventilating, and was deafened by roaring weird tech noises and unable to stand, thus falling and over-turning furniture. By some stroke of luck (I suppose) I was at mum and dad's, so they picked me up and helped me call a nurse. Who reassured me I probably had a blood pressure drop. Anyway, freaky as hell, but the only repercussions was dizzyness and scraped knees. In any case, it got me thinking, and lo behold! Epiphany.

I think my dizzy spells and accompanying nausea I get occasionally are probably due to me having low blood pressure. Thinking about it I remember I did an experiment for biology in high school where I measured my blood pressure, and it was very very low (despite me being very very unfit). Also associated with hypothyroidism and anemia, both of which I have/have had to some degree.

Note to self: If you can't tolerate a red wine, mixing it with coke may make it palatable but it will still fuck up your stomach. Duh. *headdesk* (on virtual, non-existent desk)

In other thyroid related news, I decided to give up on Euthyrox after 5 weeks. It was making my feet and calves cramp again, and as I am not yet sick, but only fat, I decided it wasn't worth it. Anyway, when my TSH was at 1 last Spring and I felt like shit I still didn't loose any weight. I prefer to be un-crampy and able to go to the gym.

I really understand now the common strategy and initial reaction of my doctor: to postpone medication as long as possible. I plan to live an anti-goiterous life and scoff coconut oil until I actually start getting ill. Trying to put depressing thoughts such as 'the side-effects will always be this shitty, but one day I'll be sick enough to accept them so as to avoid much worse things and eventual death'.
Yeah. Repress repress repress